I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
