somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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