I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
