Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize