There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
