i don't like sucking hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
