i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
