I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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