Umm I'm too high to move.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
