Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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