Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
