ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
