She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
