alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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