needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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