so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
