i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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