the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
