I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
