from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
