whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
