I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
