Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
