Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
