Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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