next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
