Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize