I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just had sex on a roof
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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