her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
