this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
