she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
