Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
