What a fucking waste of an outfit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
