i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
