I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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