my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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