Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
