ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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