Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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