I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
