You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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