I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
