I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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