bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
