I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
