Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
