my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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