for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
