I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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