so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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