i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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