did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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