I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
