There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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