I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
