Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
