i barfeds in our rink
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
