I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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