Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
