whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
