i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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