I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
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Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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