I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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