The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
