am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
