Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
