My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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