No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
