just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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