So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
