Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
